Thursday, March 29, 2007

Being worthy of dreams

What I want to make:

The tools I've got to do it:

This is the hand-dyed yarn that I referred to an earlier post. I have been admiring it in its skein-ful glory since the postman dropped it in my mailbox.

I'm not sure I'm worthy. I mean, I can make beautiful things using some sticks and some string. But this yarn is beautiful just by itself. I don't want to muck it up, and end up with a horrible tangled mess of string. Career-girl pink is not string. It's hopes, dreams, pure potential. It's my image of myself as someone who is rather good at this knitting thing (I was going to say "master at my craft," but then I realized how pretentious that is and how very much about knitting I don't know. YET. I WILL LEARN, oh yes I will). This yarn was made especially for me, by someone who loves the craft as much as I do. Other's expectations are wrapped up in this too.

Wouldn't it be a shame if that all came crashing down in one night of not paying enough attention to my yarn-overs?

Well, it would be several nights. I wouldn't give up that easily. I'm OK with tinking, and ripping. Very big fan of the life-line. Got a big-ole ball of crochet cotton just for that purpose.

I guess what I am getting at is that I want to have stuff done RIGHT NOW. I want to be able to look at a project and say: wow, six inches in an evening. My inner cheerleader would be saying: "That's good going. You are a productive knitter. Go, Misstea!" Ya know, "instant gratification takes too long." (Thank you, Homer Simpson).

It's like comparing apples and oranges, or lace knitting to a sock. In a couple of hours, I can get quite of bit done. In an evening out, I can do nearly half an adult sock, if I moderate my drinking. When I knitted Swallowtail, I counted myself lucky if I did four rows in an evening. Sitting at home, not drinking wine. Wow. I did a lot of tinking in the beginning. It was my first lace project.

My point is, it's all about perspective and expectations. If I want to pump it out, I need to stick to things I know inside out. If I want to challenge myself and actually learn a thing or two, I need to SLOW DOWN. Speed isn't everything. And I should know, I tried it in the early '90's.

I realize I'm not saying anything that hasn't been said before, but this is my diary, of sorts. I can repeat myself, and others, as much as I want. Because if you say it enough, it becomes true, correct?

Therefore: I am worthy of Icarus, I am worthy of Icarus, I am worthy of Icarus....

P. S. There is NO WAY I am winding this by myself, after the mess I made of 360 meters of sock yarn. My ball winder and the 800 meters of yumminess will be accomanying me to a future knit night, where I know someone will help me in order to fondle this yarn.

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