You know you are a regular when

• The locals leave you alone to defend yourself; 'cuz they know you can handle any drunken idiot that comes along.
• A long-time patron calls you a "shithead" with great affection. And then wraps his arm around your waist. And you don't mind.
• Your cardigan is buttoned wrong, and no one mentions it to you (or maybe that's just me, and my inability to dress myself).
• The "divorced men's" bar has become the "divorced person's" bar. 'Cuz gender inclusiveness is important, damnit.
• All the boys say 'Yes, it is a sock, and no, you can't have a pair."