Wednesday, January 2, 2008


I don't really do the resolution thing. I've learned that I shouldn't make promises I can't keep.

That said, I fall into that self-reflection trap that so many of us do around this time of year. Over the past few years, I've just said I'm going to try and do something better. Something achievable, but still a stretch.

For example, my resolution one year was to cook more. It worked. Took me three years, but now I cook just about every day. I went from maybe eating at home once a week to eating out just once a week. I'm actually pretty proud of myself for that one. I certainly eat far better than I used to, but I don't think I'm saving any money by eating at home. I don't really scrimp on groceries. I've always thought that it doesn't matter what a food item costs, as long as I'm actually going to eat it. Throwing food out, no matter how cheap, is bad value. I'm all about getting value for my money.

Another year, my resolution was to reach out. That is, to not wait for people to come to me, but for me to initiate conversations, to make the phone calls, to be the person who keeps in touch, instead of the person always on the receiving end. That resolution is still a work in progress, but generally, I'm a lot better than I used to be.

This year, after a whole minute-and-a-half's thought, my resolution will be to go home more. Notice I'm not saying that I will go home every month, or that I will spend x hours there, but just that I will go home more.

I realized that this was a pretty important thing because over the holidays, the babies weren't too sure who I am, and weren't at all interested in playing with me. Since I am not the sort of person to force my attention on someone, especially a very busy toddler or two, I let it go. But, those two little girls are amazing, and I want to be a part of their lives. I don't want to be re-introduced every time I see them, every three or four months. I want to know them, and conversely, them to know me.

My dream would be for the girls to run for the door when I show up as enthusiastically as they do for Granny (I realize that's a wildly optimistic hope, but, it would be nice to get a hug and a kiss, instead of screaming for Mama).

So, that's what I'm going to try to do. Essentially, it means making my family more of a priority, instead of going home only when I have nothing better to do on a long weekend. I'm going to try and be a better, and more present, daughter, sister, sister-in-law and aunt. When I say it like that, yikes! That's a pretty tall order.

But I'll try. That's all I'm saying. I'm not going to do this, I'm going to try to do this.

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